Beating the Heat

I have lived in Oregon long enough (my whole life save 2 years) to know that it gets hot here sometimes. Really hot. While the rest of the nation thinks we're the rainy/cloudy/overcast state, they don't understand the heatwave oppressing us this week! I know, a week of this should be bearable. After all I've been to Texas and could never live in the 100+ weather day after day for an entire season. But the nerd that I am decided to check Weather.com to see what the rest of America is dealing with this week, and I feel satisfied to claim the right as victim. Today, Dallas, TX only has a high of 84 and is overcast, Los Angeles is in the mid-80s as is Miami and they are experiencing some light showers, and New York is experiencing the type of fog that we haven't seen since February I'm sure. The only other places around the country dealing with the same degree of heat as Oregon is Arizona (go figure) and Las Vegas (sin city I suppose). So first of all, I want a new reputation: I don't want people saying that Oregon is rainy and gross because we now have ourselves a spot on the map. The weather map at least.

Anyway, I find myself in somewhat of a panic when the news comes on every other hour, warning us about the warming temperatures. They have at least some advice to keep Oregonians (especially in the metro area) safe and cool. Well, I have some, too! Maybe not as serious as a cooling center for seniors or the top 10 waterworks in the city. But this is what has worked for me.

Only 7 months ago I was trapped in my house due to snow and ice. Now, I'm trapped because it's too hot to move. And I'm unemployed. Our house doesn't have AC, but we do have a daylight basement that keeps fairly cool. Still, this is what I've done to keep from constantly sweating, and thus whining:

**Position myself laying flat on my back, on a couch, with two fans on either side of me, blowing towards each other. Goosebumps/chills actually make you cooler!
**Drink lots of water obviously, with FROZEN LEMONS!
**Eat several pieces of FROZEN key lime pie
**Find something to watch on TV, like a movie. Especially something you can get totally lost in so you don't focus on the heat. For example, I wouldn't normally recommend Lifetime TV but the stories are so dramatic that I watched a whole 2 hour movie about a stalker and barely noticed the sweat dripping off my forehead.
**Jump in the shower once every hour.

And some things that I've learned make you even warmer, so you should avoid:
**Don't do laundry
**Don't dance, even if Ellen is and it looks like fun
**Don't blow-dry your hair
**Don't watch the news because it freaks you out, into a hot flash even
**Don't cuddle with your animals; they wear wool coats.

And otherwise, let's pray this doesn't last much longer. My idea of summer isn't so unbearable.